In memory of a marriage 3 April -83
I will never forget one of the happiest days in my life and that was when I married my wife, Cecilia 38 years ago. We were married 19 years and she died in 2002 after a year´s sickness in cancer.
We traveled to many countries and lived a wonderful life together and shared everything. Almost 10 years later we were to Benalmadena in Spain for looking at an apartment to buy and she complained over not feeling well and wanted to vomit. She was pregnant with our first daughter Shin who was born 10 weeks prematurely in 1990.
The feelings on our wedding day was so exciting and I remember how beautiful she was when she walked towards me in the church beside her father. He left her to me at the altar and we bowed to each other and looked each other in the eyes. The ceremony was so special and I could feel God´s presence in that moment.
All our relatives and friends were gathered on the wedding and I was very happy and proud. We had trained on the waltz and the speeches were so emotional and some of the words have followed me all those years. Thank you, forgive me and help me was the words we got from the priest. We remembered them during both the good and hard times and every New Years Eve we summed the past year and then made a choice if we shall continue one more year together or not.
Our first daughter was born in 1990 and I can remember how the time stopped and I followed the Dr who checked in her throat with a special instrument below a warm lamp on a soft table in a room beside where she was born while my wife waited in the bed. I could feel everything and it was a sacred moment with pure love.
It was at Uppsala Academical Hospital and we had waited 4 days since they had stopped the birth with Bricanyl. Our daughter weighed 1490 g and it was there at the neonatal dep. I learnt that children who weighed as little as 500 g could survive. One of the nurses did show me how to hold my daughter in the so called Kanguru method. This was so wonderful since I could hold my daughter closest to my heart on my chest and I loved those moments.
After a couple of days she was moved to Karolinska Hospital and the neonatal and then to the children´s building. Same which is now the Astrid Lindgren´s Children Hospital. I never left my daughter and my wife and it ended up with that we got a family room to sleep in at the hospital. We stayed a month and I had to fight for using the Kanguru method since they said it was not scientifically approved and might cause prematurely death.
I said to not having any body contact can cause more damages and that I have read a lot about the method and they have to change their way of working with premature children. I continued during the nights and hold her since the night nurses was not so afraid. I remember one of them who told me all children was hers and she never got her own.
My wife and I shared everything and ate at the hospital´s restaurant together every day. My memories from that time are very special and we came closer since we shared the same worries and happiness to see our daughter grow day by day.
Our second child, Kim was born in 1992 and we had just bought our own terraced house and sold our apartment. Both of us lost our jobs since it was the crisis and we had to fight every day to manage the costs for our house. I remember how I walked up to the social welfare because we were so poor and afraid of losing our home. But got a No and told to sell our house!!
At the same time we wanted to prolong the time for staying home with our children and my wife did always say that We shall not leave them to someone else before they can talk by themselves. She had grown up at an orphenage in South Korea so she knew a lot about the feelings that children have who are abandoned.
We managed to take care of everything and got new jobs and started over again. Our days were filled with our childrens activities and our own work which were progressing all the time in one or another way.
In 2001 did my wife not feeling well and took contact with a Dr. within our family and got prescription for Losec. It continued like that and she lost appetite for meat and started to throw up the food after eating. A new appointment with our house Dr. who sent her immediately to the ultra scan. A tumour was found and She got time for surgery after a couple of weeks.
It showed the tumour was much bigger than they thought and surgery took 5 hours instead of the expected 2. The Dr. was very good and he told everything he had done and also that the organs in the stomach he removed as the twelve finger intestinal and gall bladder was really hard to remove. He did a creative surgery and some new connections as he said. A part of the liver was also removed since the tumour was benign and grow fast.
It was on the 30th of April we got the message about the surgery and two weeks later we got to know the prognosis didn´t look good at all. We told our children who were 8 and 11 at that time. The year started and we did everything we could to heal and find a cure for her. She choosed to do anything to survive since she said to plan for dying is impossible as a mother.
The year between the 30th of April 2001 until 2002 the 19th of May when she died was very mixed and we came very close to each other. She went through so many things but liked the juices I pressed and foot massage best of everything. She did her Qi Gong every morning after waking up and fought until the last week.
She did the so called, “Journey” by Brandon Bays which helped her to forgive many people in her life and let go of the past. This process was so important and she wrote a diary which we could read after she had passed away.
I admire her so much and to see her only living on the parenteral feeding through her vene during 5 months and still fighting is what I should say something extremely hard to manage. It was a great relief that she shared everything with me and I felt many times as the lack of parents in her childhood was replaced by me and then as her placenta and connection to the outer world.
We prayed often together and even if I lost my belief when she died it was natural to be really disappointed since we prayed for a miracle! I am thinking now that our story has to be told since I got lost after she died. That is another story but I have learnt a lot from it and especially the importance of patience and being humble.
Our daughters are grown up and I love them so much and know their mother would be so proud over them too.
It is not until I am here in Argentina that I am seeing through my life and our life together and taking the time for reflection. I have lived alone since 2013 and said a year ago that from April 2021 is the time that I am open again for a relationship when God says yes. I believe it will come naturally this year and not trying to force anything.